I got a problem

Well....I AM the problem, so let us consecrate that as one problem. The truth is...I am in deep trouble dealing with some assholes. And it isn't directly, mind you. It all started with one simple post of one asshole (sorry for the language, but can't help it), that was followed by many likes by many of that person's friends. And I had been putting posts and blogs for quite long time, and in the past two years I have only got 19 comments. So obviously I am jealous.

Is it simply jealousy? With any other person if it was, let me be truthful over the fact that I wouldn't be jealous, but this particular person has and a very big influence in molding me for 4 years, so the event was held special for me. This is not simply jealousy.

Then is that my only problem? No! I am nowadays getting a lot angrier than before. I simply shout at people, show the red face to all and above all, my screaming voice has increased. Ain't a good thing to say aloud, but I speak only the truth, even if it is embarrassing to me.

Is that the only two problems? No! I have got a bigger one. I am now in a part time profession (an enjoyment actually) and the people in there are actually pissing me by showing incompetence. And they are not helping me a bit.

Is that all? I guess there is a major one, which I would like to declare out loud, and which will be the soul reason why I will be posting this on my Facebook wall and nowhere else, because in Facebook, people got time only for girls, and I can particularly assure that girls won’t read this post, especially one person. And the major trouble??? I am in love! Crap, right? I mean....I am not meant to expect a starry shine over me with the words love in it, from any girl, forget this, but I just can't help it, and it is killing me. I know that no girl will love me for obvious reasons, and this one will never do so (except if she turns blind and deaf and mute! I should get married to a meat-bag).

She can't love me, and she has proclaimed that out loud, but the heart is a crazy stuff. You know your own defects, and you still expect a shine to come from the other side. You know you can do anything for her, and yet when in front of her, you are a fool. And when there are better people around you, your mind says, "Move out! There is a better chance with a Emma Watson than here." and you still stare at her, and go numb. It's the same with me, and with my reputation, it helps well.

I have to get out of the sick feeling. To know that you won't get someone and yet pray for that someone is a sick thing to do. It is like trying to churn the ocean (so far only the Gods and Demons combined could do that).

So my troubles? Jealousy, short temper, love...and oh...yes! I am alone, but that's ok compared to other facts, and I won't alone for long....probably. I just want to state out here that I would do anything to prove to her that I love her. I would do anything to make her happy for the rest of her life (except completing B Tech), to love her less than our children (pep-talk, but I mean it), and to die only after she does so that I can make sure she dies with a smile with me near her. What more should a man promise. But well....This is my post, and she, nor anyone, will read this.

Then why I am typing it, you may ask? Simply because words had been my friends in my lonely times. I am alone now, and I would like to speak about these feelings, and clearly no one is helpful enough. So....here I am. I am not expecting her to wave her hand and say, "I love you too!" nor am I expecting this post to have more likes, or to have my temper decreased. But at least, by typing this and posting this on the wall, I may feel better.