Somethng that occurred within.....

Today when I went to see my friend, I was happy. It had been long since I had seen her. I also wanted to see her grandmother who was ill, and it’s been long since I had been with her family. It was always great to be with people who lived their lives rather make others live their own.

Having some chitchats with them, at one point my friend mentioned about one of my schoolmates, and said, “Did you know that he got placed?” At once I felt like, “What the…! I mean…Wow! Isn’t that great news?”

Now let me tell you about myself. I have got 23 arrears, and haven’t even thought about clearing them. In short, I am only a high school graduate, and haven’t passed out of college. So obviously, when I heard the news, it was burning in me.

And she continued, “And ********* has also been placed.”
“He too?”
“And so is ******.”
“She too?”"And ******* got married"
"I am still single!"
"So what? Should she stop herself from getting married? And ***** is going for higher studies."

And she mentioned a dozen people. Now here is the part about jealousy. You may be really happy for your friends, but if they got a step ahead of you, and unless you are really great friends with them, you will be a lot more jealous, at least five more steps ahead than being happy for them.

Indeed, I was happy, but extremely jealous. And I can say that frankly, because even if I may be offered a position for the devil, I am never a saint. I had known half of what she had said, but hearing it altogether was not quite easy. And I was comparing myself with them, and suddenly she shot out, “Why do you have to compare yourself with them? The problem with you is that you are bothered most about you being involved in and about others.”

And that was where my bulb shined. Yes, that’s true! All my life I had been concentrated over comparing myself with others, that I had failed to recognize my own beauty. Now it doesn’t matter where they are, because they made a choice, and they are there. Now this is my party of life, I have made a choice recently, so my task now is to shut my ears and move on towards my dream (you can call it destiny). They were good at what they did, and they are doing it now, now that is exactly what I had to do…stop lamenting, start thinking and continue working.

After leaving the place I was going back home on my bike. My bike is older than the rain, because even in that rain, it was hot. But it didn’t bother me. Thoughts had been ramming in me. So foolish I had been for quite long.

There was another part of the talk, which I wouldn’t like to write out loud, but the essence is all the same. I am not a great man; I have made my share of mistakes. And I do not see them like stars shining in font of me and telling me my wrongs and rights, my friends do the part of the stars. But the least I can say is that I do learn from them.

This note is a confession statement from me. I have ignored around 107 people in my life, hated them for reasons I have made in my own mind, and that was what the jealousy that rose in me pointed out. Errors and mistakes can be corrected only by the prepared mind, and preparing it is quite a task. It is never easy apologizing, so I rather not do that unless I get the power to do it.

So why I am posting it here? To show people that if they are going through such a phase in their life, trust me…it is way too normal because the problems of mind are mostly self-created. What you want to have is your choice. Jealousy, hatred, fear, love…all is but a choice that could be chosen. I chose the wrong one unknowingly. But at least now I realize it.

Don’t trust my words. I may turn back to my thoughts again; living with the wrong thoughts for 6 years is not an easy task to be killed in 6 minutes. It will take time. But when the time comes, I shall be able to say that I am pure. Until then, I shall be jealous, and I shall be working towards my dream. And once I am set with the right mind, I shall be able to go back to them and try to be one among them as it used to be years ago and at that point I shall be at the peak of my dream. Because it is always easier to travel across the peaceful ocean than the storming one.

A message for Kerala and India....

At once I had thought of typing a letter each to some of the political leaders, including the President and prime Minister of the state. The thought rose me in some time ago, and then as time passed, and as the government got changed in the state, I realized that there was no use for this action of mine, for no matter what I did or tried to do, the political scenario will all be the same

But I had to go out of the house, to see, hear, buy, sell and many other house hold and personal things, and the certain things had me bothering. So I thought, “Why not post it here where at least some people will read?” Because this is not just the thought of an individual, but a representative of the public. So here I go.

The first notice is for our beloved Chief Minister. The man who has proved to be one of the weak leaders we ever saw, and as many know, one of the best thieves too. It is by learning upon you that I learned that politics is purely business and robbery. I learned it from your actions over the management issues of catholic colleges and the Tsunami fund. And you have practiced well to blame others too. You are one of the worst leaders I have ever heard of.

Oh, don’t you grunt, Mr. Ex-Chief Minister! You were my favorite once, because you raised your voice for good (and gave us lot harthals). Thought you could make a change. But you got 5 years too, and what did you do? You became the first leader of the state who conducted a harthal. And you made lives miserable, and this time you got to blame the Central Government. The least you could do was bring out something good to the people, like making a rule to clean the roads or whatever. But you yourself are a spit shot. Have to admit, you are only good in complaining.

The ex-chief minister has got a friend, the man famous for his bullets in the suitcase. You have a big voice, but not a good mind. So scoot off. Communism was never busi9ness. Before 1950s, it was a about the well being of people. Not it is the well being of the communist people, and you brought that stand. It is high time you get lost.

Mr. Prime Minister! You are a great mathematician and economist, and a very good man. But I have to say, you are quite incompetent as a Prime Minister. I suggest you start working harder, because you are a good man, with the wrong ideas and mistakes you always commit. You have worked real hard in increasing the value of everything from fuels to medicines, and have managed to decrease the worth of Indian Money. You can do better than this. There is a lot profit that you people take, turning politics to business. Politics is not business, it is the idea of helping people. I guess you have seen only the business part because you are an economist. Please instead of working to glutton up your pockets, work for us, or at least allow us to work. One more mistake, and I, as others did, will despise you too.

And the saintly man of God! Get back to your ashrama stopping the fast and work for the people. Before talking about black money and telling that your money is white, I want you to donate at least half of it to the poor people around. Then you will earn my respect.

India is not a land a political or religious games. India is meant to be united. India is meant to be clean. India is meant to be the great country we have never experienced.

I have no other words to say, but there are something you top people can do. You can help clean the cities. You can help do the right things You can help reduce the price hike. You can help giving more employment opportunities. You can do anything.

The civilians too can do them, but then you will not let the middle class men rise up, will you? Change the attitude, so that we can also work without interruption, for the same country you are trying to destroy. Mark my words...Kalki will be reborn because of you people. Or maybe another Gandhi will arise to stop you discriminating acts.

This is the words from a simple Indian, who may respond once, for he is one among the many Indians you have ignored to see.

I got a problem

Well....I AM the problem, so let us consecrate that as one problem. The truth is...I am in deep trouble dealing with some assholes. And it isn't directly, mind you. It all started with one simple post of one asshole (sorry for the language, but can't help it), that was followed by many likes by many of that person's friends. And I had been putting posts and blogs for quite long time, and in the past two years I have only got 19 comments. So obviously I am jealous.

Is it simply jealousy? With any other person if it was, let me be truthful over the fact that I wouldn't be jealous, but this particular person has and a very big influence in molding me for 4 years, so the event was held special for me. This is not simply jealousy.

Then is that my only problem? No! I am nowadays getting a lot angrier than before. I simply shout at people, show the red face to all and above all, my screaming voice has increased. Ain't a good thing to say aloud, but I speak only the truth, even if it is embarrassing to me.

Is that the only two problems? No! I have got a bigger one. I am now in a part time profession (an enjoyment actually) and the people in there are actually pissing me by showing incompetence. And they are not helping me a bit.

Is that all? I guess there is a major one, which I would like to declare out loud, and which will be the soul reason why I will be posting this on my Facebook wall and nowhere else, because in Facebook, people got time only for girls, and I can particularly assure that girls won’t read this post, especially one person. And the major trouble??? I am in love! Crap, right? I mean....I am not meant to expect a starry shine over me with the words love in it, from any girl, forget this, but I just can't help it, and it is killing me. I know that no girl will love me for obvious reasons, and this one will never do so (except if she turns blind and deaf and mute! I should get married to a meat-bag).

She can't love me, and she has proclaimed that out loud, but the heart is a crazy stuff. You know your own defects, and you still expect a shine to come from the other side. You know you can do anything for her, and yet when in front of her, you are a fool. And when there are better people around you, your mind says, "Move out! There is a better chance with a Emma Watson than here." and you still stare at her, and go numb. It's the same with me, and with my reputation, it helps well.

I have to get out of the sick feeling. To know that you won't get someone and yet pray for that someone is a sick thing to do. It is like trying to churn the ocean (so far only the Gods and Demons combined could do that).

So my troubles? Jealousy, short temper, love...and oh...yes! I am alone, but that's ok compared to other facts, and I won't alone for long....probably. I just want to state out here that I would do anything to prove to her that I love her. I would do anything to make her happy for the rest of her life (except completing B Tech), to love her less than our children (pep-talk, but I mean it), and to die only after she does so that I can make sure she dies with a smile with me near her. What more should a man promise. But well....This is my post, and she, nor anyone, will read this.

Then why I am typing it, you may ask? Simply because words had been my friends in my lonely times. I am alone now, and I would like to speak about these feelings, and clearly no one is helpful enough. So....here I am. I am not expecting her to wave her hand and say, "I love you too!" nor am I expecting this post to have more likes, or to have my temper decreased. But at least, by typing this and posting this on the wall, I may feel better.

UGLY

Finally I completed my fifth novel, and I can turn to my full attention to my screenplay The War. I believe that more than the story, it is the character that I have perfected. With complete satisfaction, let me have an excerpt from the novel.

The morning light had not even broken into Los Angeles. And much late it would be then to reach the busiest hospital of the city, Hollywood Presbyterian Medical Centre. The nurses and the doctors worked overtime no matter whether there was light outside or not, for their toes were meant to be numb working there. Presbyterian Hospital was the best in its own way.

Vehicles were lesser in number, and there was much less number of vehicles moving in and out of the hospital. Silence was broken by the chirp of morning birds, but none could be seen in the darkness.

All of a sudden the silence was broken by the siren of an ambulance, which stormed in through the main gates and headed to the casualty. As it stopped, two men, one driver and another who probably had hiked the ride from the start, jumped and screamed, “Emergency! We have an emergency.”

Nurses ran out, and two attendees followed them holding a stretcher. The back door of the ambulance was opened and they got in, and all of a sudden the smell of blood and meat caught their senses.

The nurses waited out with their equipments to be used. And the wounded man was taken out, and all of a sudden, one of the nurses screamed and fainted, while another yelled, “Oh my God! He looks ugly.”

Anyone would call it a junk of meat and nothing else. Bones could be seen, while blood covered him in whole. He didn’t move, and couldn’t even open his eyes or breathe. But he was alive, very much alive.

The darkness was cut by the sunlight, as he was being carried away to the emergency room. The confusion remained on whether to wait or start, as he remained on the moving stretcher, pain and blood everywhere.

For a moment he opened his eyes, and saw the brightening light outside, and he smiled and closed his eyes, not to open again.

My best friend's wedding

It was her great day, while I was getting tensed. The reason was simple, the fear of losing her. Of course I knew her man, he was and is a great guy, and no doubt he will be a great man here after, with her by his side there is not a chance for him to dirty up. But still the negative side of my heart kept telling me that I am going to lose my best friend.

I didn’t know what I had to do. I watched her carefully, alone as usual. Many others were around her, and I was like, "God! This is gonna end today." Her happiness was all everyone else saw, I saw my fear. She was my walking stick, guiding me along the right path. Now the stick is going to be broken, said my twisted mind.

Finally I crept up to both of them, who smiled like they saw an angel, I felt great then. He hugged me, she held my hand, and I told them, "Have a great life ahead, dudes! You are gonna have a blast. And whenever you need me, ring me up."
I felt no remorse there after. All it needed was a smile. The negative side of heart didn't have anything more to say to me thereafter. I was feeling better. The individual's mind is the sole reason for the rise and fall of him/her. My negative side died away when I saw them happy, and I realized that no matter where they were, I would always be their number one choice. All I have to do is keep up with who I am.

But then when I was left alone again, I was thinking, "Maybe this whole wedding thing is a scam! What is the purpose of a wedding? Why should two individuals who want to be together get married with all this huff and puff?" I got the answer when I saw them again. They were smiling, tired and yet happily smiling.

I bid good bye to them after spending a great deal of time with them, and here I am typing it up in my blog. The whole thing has got into my head in a beautiful manner that I will never forget. Now another major wedding ahead will be of my second best friend, 5 years from now, soon later will be of the third. Then…hopefully will be my turn, am not quite sure about it.

Until then, I would like to wish them a very happy and loveable married life. May all the joys and gains be with them, and may they have all the blissful moments. And I pray, my Lord, that I have all my life to serve them as a truthful friend, helping them throughout.

The death of Vinu

This one is my drama script that I just finished. I believe it is my best so far. Please comment after reading this excerpt.

Vinu watches them walk out clutching
the files. The sound of the door opening and closing is heard. Vinu looks back at Sruthy,
who doesn’t look at him, but instead, looks away, angrily. Anger rages in his eyes. He
suddenly storms to her and slaps her hard on the face, and she falls on the floor. He picks
her up by her arm and raises her on her feet.
Vinu: You miserable bitch! How dare you speak to me like that?
Sruthy: You were hurt by the little words I told you? You hurt my whole family, threw
them to disgrace.
Vinu: You still blame for what I did to you?
Sruthy: No! I was just reminding you how wrong you were then, and how wrong you are
now.
Vinu: (Leaves her) I was never wrong. You had always been my love. You never saw it.
Sruthy: Spit out all you want. I care the least.
Vinu: I care not to let you know. (Looks out) I have to go. My world waits outside. I have
to gain more heights, and I rather leave now than speak to you more.
He tries to kiss her on the cheek, but she moves back with disgust. Angered, he slaps her
again and she falls down. He then storms out, and she is left there alone, scared, with
tears in her eyes.

Mamta....another soul on road.....

And yet another dies today. A lady in her youth, in the midst of her excitement, had to give up her own life on the road. Thoughts over road accidents hovered in my mind, while I was thinking about her.

She must have been 21, or 22, I don't know. I personally don't know her either. What stunned me was the way the news was spread, starting from a normal hit off the road, to the absence of her pulse, to the rumor that she may die, that finally became true.

Her name was Mamta, and they say she isn't a Muslim. Who cares on that now? News says she was trying to overtake our own bus, and on the process she saw another vehicle come to her. Panicked she tried to slow down and move to the side, when the bus hit her and made her fall. Her vehicle was fine, but she was hit on the head, and lost a lot blood. Rumors include her losing a part of her face, and losing a pulse.

On the first place, why did she try to overtake the bus on a road which is considerably small? Why did she slow down on the process? Why didn't she wear a helmet?

Think of her family. At 7 she was woken up by her mother, by 8 she finished her chores to reach the table where her mother would make delicious breakfast. She would bid goodbye to her brother and rode of her Activa. And her mother expects to hear from her again only in the evening. Today, but, the time table changes. Her father will be back from work earlier, to be greeted by rears. Her mother will not cease her tears. Her brother will refuse to eat for long.

Tomorrow it will just be another day for others, they will wake up late, curse the clock, eat measly, go to college, flirt around, go back carelessly on the bikes given to then. Today is just another day, which will pass on as many to come yet. But this moment is to think on how think better.

I dedicate this article to all drivers, students, parents, brothers, sisters, friends and most of all, Mamtha, 2nd year, MCA, Vidya Academy of Science and Technology, Thrissur.