19 September 2024

Who is Superior: Man or Woman?



 These are some of the arguments I have been hearing for as long as I can remember:

"Men are just better than women in everything."

"Men are meant to be the head of the family/house/company/country."

"Women should be shorter than men so that they know their place."

"Women are not as good leaders as men."


So here are some facts:

England has had 63 monarchs over a period of around 1,200 years. But they only had one Golden Era, and that was thanks to Queen Elizabeth I.

Personally, not a fan of Indira Gandhi, but have to admit; she was the only Prime Minister worth admiring and fearing at the same time. Everyone else, including the current one, were never feared, and some were not even as admirable or formidable. 

Marie Curie still remains the only person to win two Nobel Prizes in two different sciences.

New Zealand, the country that responded best to COVID-19, was under the leadership of Jacinda Ardern at the time. (Not to mention how we in Kerala fared better compared to the rest of the country thanks not to the CM but to the Health Minister K.K. Shailaja)

The Indian Army, one of the most formidable armies in the world, found their greatest foe in a woman named Irom Sharmila.

Rosa Parks was a young child when she challenged racial segregation.

The first computer programmer was a woman named Ada Lovelace.

When you take literature, you will realize that men wrote epics, but women wrote works that resonated better with humanity. (In the modern era, you can see that men write tales of egoistic men, while women paint a picture of people with utmost accuracy. Which is why we have Animal on one side and Laapata Ladies on the other side.)

If you look into history, you will find even more women who baffled men and made them envious, because while men had to overpower the ones around them, all women did was do what they wanted to do.

Even science says that when it comes to longevity, surviving illness and coping with trauma, women come out on top.


What I understand is simple. A man can break down easily, but a woman has to be broken down. And even then chances are they will rise, which is what makes men uncomfortable.

Men know this. They have known this from the beginning of time. So they used religion to control them. When that no longer worked, they used manipulation. But now women are seeing through that too, so they use brute strength, the only thing they have left that is greater than that of women.


But soon women will find a way to overcome men's strength. What will man do then?

27 May 2021

Down the Memory Lane Through Friends Reunion

 



I must have been in seventh or eight grade when my classmate Karan told me about a certain episode of some show. He was telling me about two friends who were having sex (a foreign concept to me back then, and unfortunately still is!) and they trying to hide this from the rest of their friends with the help of their mutual friend. I found it funny, mostly because of the way he was describing it. And me, who only had the idea of serials being those that my mom used to watch, was intrigued.

Up until then, I had only watched children's shows and whatever came on DD Metro and other stuff, so when my father got cable, I surfed through all channels, and then I came across a show, and I thought, "Oh yes, this was the show he was talking about... I remember it was called Friends."

And that was where it began.

I believe it was being aired in Star World, and it showed episodes everyday from Monday to Friday, and I remember religiously sitting in front of the TV watching it. I never understood what drew me towards the show, but nevertheless, it was the only show I watched (apart from the animes in JetX, Dragon Ball Z, Pokemon and whatever came up on Cartoon Network, which was of course, the golden era of animated shows).

I always thought I would bag a role in that show one day (yeah, I wanted to become an actor back then), but then I learned that the show got over, so I would watch the reruns. Later, in 11th grade my father got me a computer, and through a friend, I got a very low quality of all episodes of Friends. I had that set for the next 6-7 years, until I got better version of it, which I still have with me.

I would get my laughs, but that was it for me. Being the perfect student and perfect son and model citizen shit, the show was just for some laughs for me. But then, by around my eleventh grade, I started failing in my endeavors, my studies...many things. I was becoming 'imperfect', and started causing troubles to people around me. I was a bully, and I was hurting people. I was air headed and big headed. Mostly, I believe, I was not able to grasp whatever was happening around me, and I was reacting in accordance to that. And my friends got alienated from me, and the ones who stayed got into different schools.... And I made it worse upon myself so much, that people just stayed away from me.

But the show stayed with me.

Then came college, and with it came depression. Then I dropped out, got a job, and the string of failures followed. I couldn't make it anywhere properly, I was marked as an example of what one shouldn't be, and I yearned for attention so badly, that I just made it worse for myself. 

And the show still stayed with me.

In time I realized why it stayed with me. Unlike other shows, where there were perfect characters as leads, (and if they were imperfect characters, there was someone else who would come and complete them), I was watching a show where people were wrong, imperfect and even stupid, and yet made through the day, because they had each other. And as I learned that I was successfully pushing people away, I desired for someone to stay or stick with me, like they did.

And the show stuck with me. Still does.

There were times when I had decided to end my life. There were times when I had just wanted to stop. And then I would watch an episode of Friends, just to take my mind off it, and I would end up bingeing the whole show. In the past 15 years, I have binged the show at least once every year, and that is not including the number of times I would watch individual episodes. In other words... The show stopped me from taking any drastic steps several times...still does! All I do is turn on an episode, and then I got to The One Where It All Began, and then I continue forward. And by the end of it, I would be reborn.

The show never had perfect characters. Everyone were flawed. You just cannot get along with them at all. But yet, they were good, they nice...they were relatable. Because in reality, that's what we all are, imperfect people trying to make it in an imperfect world. And so every time the song 'I'll be there for you!' would play on screen, it felt like the song was for me, and I believed those words...I still do!

And today, I just saw the Reunion. And I found myself laughing, crying.... something I haven't done in a while. I am not certain if the crew ever knew how much of an impact they created on a crazy idiotic boy, and how much that idiot is still relying on their show. But that doesn't matter, because I know how that show was there for me, and will stay there for me.

Thank you, FRIENDS, for being there with me...

I promise.. yours will be the last show I will ever watch...

And it is something I know for certain...

10 October 2019

Humanity is dying and we voted for it!


Amit Shah wants all illegal immigrants to leave this country by 2024, and the way to do that is electing them again for a third time! BJP's Tiktok star Sonali Phogat slams crowd for not chanting 'Bharat Mata ki Jai' and calls them traitors. Basically, if you do not abide by 'their rules', you are an illegal resident/immigrant! Dude! If we are to check history, the Aryans and the White men have the same roots, wherein they came to a land, conquered it, and then centuries later claimed to throw away whoever else came in after them! The men following Hindutva and White Supremacy have conjoined to become one evil monster that thrives on humanity, and their leash are on dictatorial leaders such as Trump, Shah and Modi. The division and chaos they create by spreading misinformation, apathy and hatred in the name of borders and men they kill in the name of patriotism have become venomous. The worst part is the ones who do not want any part in it, who just want to live and survive are the ones being caught in the crossfire. We created borders. We created castes and religions. We created the differences. So we must work together to eradicate them, for a unified planet of humanity and other species. You do not get clean land by taking photos of you sitting in a set and taking up plastic bags. You make the system work first in yourself, then in your house, and then spread it to the neighboring houses. If you want an anti-corrupt nation, start from your home. If you want a land with no hatred and lynching, advice your people first. Change can be made only by those who see the need for a change. And if the change is meant to be positive, it can be done that doesn't hurt the self or the ones around the self. But then again, who has time to hear!

29 January 2019

Anil’s Three Wishes



1

As soon as Anil stepped into his house, he threw his bag to a corner with all his might. Mocking the seven year old boy's strength, the bag fell just a foot away from his feet. This angered him more, prompting him to kick it, only to hurt himself very badly. He started howling in pain. 

Hearing the ruckus, Anila came out of her room and looked at her little brother whimpering on one knee and holding his toes in pain. She sat next to him and asked, “Now, what did you do to yourself?”

“I am angry!” he angrily whispered. She giggled and asked, “And what is making you angry?” He took a deep breath.

“Sanju was beating Johnny and Johnny was crying but teacher didn’t say anything because no one said they saw Sanju beating Johnny so Johnny was crying and his food was taken by Sanju and his friends and Johnny was hungry and I tried to give him mine but Sanju took that too so I complained to teacher and she asked Sanju and he lied and he didn’t get punishment, so now I am hungry. I think Johnny is too!” And as he took a deep breath tears flowed uncontrollably and he tried to hide them with his hands.

Anila heard her phone ringing within her room. It was the call she was waiting for, and she had to pick it up, for her doors were meant to be opened once her parents were back from office. She patted Anil on his head and said, “Well! There’s no use crying over it. Try to find a solution. Tell Pappa.”
“But I told Pappa and he said I should take care of it myself.”
“Then tell Mamma.”
“Mamma asked me to tell Pappa.”

The ringing was getting louder, prompting her to stand up. As she walked to her room, she said, “In that case, tell God. He might know what to do?” Anil watched her close the door, sighing for the worthless support system she had ensued for her only brother.

He walked to his room and sat on his bed, wondering what to do next. He looked up and asked, “How do I get to talk to God?”

“Did you ask for me?” asked someone from behind. Petrified, he turned around and saw a man standing outside his room, staring at him through the window. Anil looked at him suspiciously. He was wearing a white shirt, spectacles, and had a moustache like that of his uncle, long and twisted at the end. He asked, “Who are you?”

“You asked for me, didn’t you?” the stranger replied, “Well, here I am.”
“You are God?”
“In flesh!”
“Prove it!”

2

Anil licked his ice cream again, as the stranger sat beside him. He looked at the little kid with love and asked, “Do you like it?” Anil nodded his head as he licked it once more and replied, “Yes! Strawberry is my favourite ice cream. You really must be God!”

“I got into your room through the wall, made the sun shine bright enough to create a halo around me, but sure, getting you your favourite flavour has made me God!” He sighed and looked at Anil licking the ice cream. “Maybe it is this naivety that is needed for this world.”

“What is naivety?”

The stranger shrugged and said, “It means simplicity. Not everyone has it. Only a pure soul can be naïve and wish for what is need by most.”

“What does that mean?” Anil asked. The stranger sighed and said, “It is easier to teach that to adults. But they don’t care. Leave it. Now tell me. Why did you want to see me?”

Anil licked his ice cream again and asked back, “If you are God, wouldn’t you know why I wanted to talk to you?” The stranger smiled and said, “Very well…I know that you want to help your friend. But how do you think I can help him?”
“You could make Sanju stop hurting Johnny.”
“And how can I do that? I cannot control another person’s action!”
Anil looked away and sighed. “Are you powerless?”
“No, my child!” he replied, “But men are with will, and will is not something that can be broken.”

Anil looked at him with a doubtful stare. The stranger sighed and said, “It was easier when I told it to my son. But here’s the thing…he tried teaching people, it backfired, and he ended up with two holes in his hands.”
“Holes in the hand?”
“Better than many others I sent after him. Many got holes in their heads and necks.”
“Didn’t you cure them?”
“Bringing them back to me was the best decision I could make for them. They were getting hurt by their fellow beings.”
“Why were they hurt?”
“Because they failed to enlighten all but few.”
“So you cannot do anything!”

He smiled and said, “No, but you can.” He straightened his shirt and continued, “I can give you three wishes. If you wish them right, maybe you can help your friend.”

Anil looked down at the floor. The ice cream was dripping and making a stain on the floor. The stranger asked, “What is the matter?”

“How do I know what to wish for?” asked Anil. The stranger smiled and said, “I can help you make those wishes. Let us start with the very first; what do you desire from Sanju?”

Anil thought for a while and said, “Sanju likes beating Johnny up. He does that with others, and others do it others. Can you make them know that it hurts when you hurt people?”

The stranger smiled. I have chosen the right person it seems. He asked, “So. Your first wish is to make those feel the pain they wish to inflict on others. Am I right?”
“Yes!”
“It is done! Now….what do you seek next?”

Anil again went into silence. He then looked up and said, “Sanju lies a lot. But teachers believe him. Can you make him not lie?”

“I cannot stop people from lying. But how about this?” He sat closer to Anil and continued, “When people start lying, let them dance. That way, people will know if they are lying.”

Anil loved this idea. He jumped up and said, “Yes! Let the liars dance. Then no one can lie.” The stranger smiled more. “Consider it done. Liars shall dance for a full minute, or as long as they are lying!”

Anil smiled. The stranger asked, “But what about Johnny? I thought he always goes hungry?”

Now Anil’s face went dull. He looked at the stranger’s face and said, “His Momma works hard, because his father died. Whatever she makes, his uncle takes away. He doesn’t get enough to eat, and I share my food with him.”
“So you do not want to share your food with him. Is that it?”
“No! I want to have enough to share with him.”

He smiled and asked, “But Sanju takes that food from you, doesn’t he?”

Anil nodded his head. The stranger went into a deep thought. Suddenly a bulb got lit above his head, and he smiled vividly. He looked back at Anil and said, “How about a magic container?”
“What is that?”
“It is like a container, but with magic. Every place will have this container, but can be used only by the nicest person in there. And only they who he or she wishes to serve it to can have what is being served.”
“That way Sanju cannot take it from Johnny?”
“Exactly! No undeserving person shall take from the magic container!”

Anil went into his thoughts and asked, “But if Sanju wants it, and I want to give it, I can, can’t I?”

A kind smile appeared on the stranger’s face as he said, “Of course! He deserves if you think he does.”

Anil smiled and said, “OK! That sounds good.”

The stranger stood up and said, “Good! In that case I will leave. And your wishes will be made a reality by tonight, and will last till your last night. Happy?”

Anil nodded his head. “Thank you God!”
“No, my child! Thank you!”

In a split second, the stranger disappeared. Anil stood there in awe, lickign off the ice cream dripping off his hands.

3

As the clock struck 12 at Anil’s house, chaos began around the globe. It started at the Syria, where the soldiers were aiming their guns at the innocent people. A second before they could pull their triggers, they felt a jolting pain on their bodies. Some felt it in their heads, some in their arms, some in their legs, and some in their stomachs. They all felt the pain as if some bullets have gone through the parts of their bodies.

The slaves in a secluded part of Nigeria were stunned to see the whip holding masters suddenly squirm on the ground with pain, just like how they used to. One brave man tried to use the whip despite the pain he felt, but he felt more and more pain as he tried to raise his whip higher and higher. The pain subdued only when he dropped the whip, but he could feel the sting for a long time.

The catholic priest couldn’t stop crying, for he felt his buttocks hurt more and more. Rumour had it that he was fine until they send a seven year old into his room an hour ago.

Russia, Palestine, Iraq, The Indo-Pakistan border…. All places saw a new turn with regard to pain, and within the next three hours, cabinets were summoned in respective countries to discuss about it.

The US President, who sent the army to Iraq to manage peace, stood up and looked at his cabinet with a smirk. He straightened his jacket and said, “We are facing a difficult scenario at the moment, which is causing our actions of peace.” And that was all he had to say.

Before he could say anything else, he found a vague sensation on his body. And before he knew it, his hips started to move. In just another second, he was dancing like John Travolta in Saturday Night Fever.

Things were no different in other parts of the world. The Russian President was dancing uncontrollably in front of his senate, and the British Monarch had to hold her composure when the British ministers started dancing all around, maybe with the exception of one or two.

The Indian Prime Minister and Pakistan Prime Minister decided to spread the news of unknown calamity and absurdity, and effect caused by the neighbouring enemy nations, on live television.

In just five minutes, they became the trending sensation of the internet, and the world started to get a hold on the new changes happening around them.

If you were to hurt someone, you were to feel the pain beforehand!
If you were to lie, you were to dance!

No one could hurt or lie to anyone, no matter how hard they tried, and that brought in a new change in the world. With all the lies coming out, politicians feared the men they promised to, leaders feared their subjects, employers feared their employees, and spouses feared each other. And no one could express rage in any way, thanks to the same amount of pain rummaging through their own bodies, with no scars or wounds.

So the powerful men decided to cut supply, and this was when the third aspect of the world came out. It started in Nambia, when the local landlords took away the supplies of people who started calling out the bluffs of their dancing landlords. Cheryl, the blind woman loved by the locals, heard their cries in despair as the supplies were taken away.

The men who took their food could feel hunger growing in themselves, but they had to obey their masters. And Cheryl wanted to feed the hungry kids, so she went inside her home to get her half-filled pot.

She came out with a container with steaming hot food!

She served them first to kids, and when she found out that they weren’t being empty, she served them to the rest. She then served them to the servants of the landlords, who decided to not take the supplies away from the needy.

The landlord, M’chaka, was enraged by this. But he couldn’t hurt them, so instead he tried to take the container away from her.

He got mad after taking it away from her again and again, only to find it reappear in her hands. He got madder when he tried to throw away the food in it, only to find it disappear from his hands.

He tried to call her a witch, and did so whilst dancing.

And it was just one of the many instances in the world. And after a long time, peace was a global phenomenon.

But Anil was facing something entirely different for himself. When he went to school, he saw that Sanju was not able to beat Johnny, for every time he raised his hands, he would feel an agonizing pain on his body. Neither he nor his friends could beat him up.

When the teacher entered the classroom and asked Sanju what he was trying to do, he tried to lie, but the moment he opened his mouth, he started dancing, making everyone burst to laughter.

Things were fine till noon, and Anil watched as Sanju simply stared at Johnny as he took out his lunchbox. Anil watched as Johnny ate the three morsels he had in his lunchbox and closed it. Anil turned to his bag to take out his lunchbox, to share his lunch with Johnny. But as he took it, he saw something else.

In his bag, under his green lunchbox, was a bigger, green container, which was warm, and smelt good.
The End

04 January 2019

To All The Boys Who Watched Me


Hi to you all!

Do you know me? Maybe you do, maybe you don’t. Maybe we both sat in the same class listening to the boring teachers. Maybe we walked passed each other across the corridor of our college. Maybe you were the one I met in the market. Or maybe you are a complete stranger to me.

It doesn’t matter, not anymore, for you now claim to know me, or the kind of person I am. You think so because you saw a clip of me in your mobile or laptop, of me shamelessly enjoying an act I was fully indulged in. Seeing me there has helped you form an image of me, create a verdict on the kind of character I possess. I am a slut who is worth more than a few minutes of your time, to whom you jerk off to until a new me comes by.

Or maybe I am the one you pity.

Or I am the one you ask your daughter not to be like.

I am the victim, shamed and stripped, who no one wants to be.

Except, I AM NOT!

He was my boyfriend, or maybe he wasn’t. It might have been a passionate act, or a simple one night stand. What you watch of me may or may not have been taken with my consent. I may or may not have enjoyed the moment.

It doesn’t matter. I had sex.

I have to be shamed by you.

And I refuse to be shamed.

I refuse, for I do not regret having sex.

I refuse, for I am the only one who has the right to shame me.

I refuse, for you don’t own me.

You have no right to put a label on me. Whoever or whatever you are to me, I refuse to be something I am not, just because you think it suits me. I am an individual of my own making. My body, soul and mind are my own possessions. And if one thinks that revealing my body, badmouthing me, or an act I passionately indulged in, is the only way you can pull me down or judge me, isn’t it you who should be shamed?

I pity you for thinking that I am the sole one to be blamed. I can speak of a number of people to be blamed but me. For shaming me for an act that was not a crime is an insult to you, which you still indulge in, watching and enjoying it. If there is a crime, you are committing it. If there is a criminal, it is you who is watching a video of mine which you have gotten without my knowledge or consent. It is like thievery, except worse. It makes you the one to be shamed, not me.

And if you think that I have been weakened, you are wrong again.

I am a phoenix. We all are.

We rise from the ashes of the fire you set on us.

We are no victims, but you are culprits.

Think about it. Let it sink in.

Meanwhile, let me enjoy my life the way I want.

Sincerely
The Girl you Watched

04 October 2017

എൻ്റെ മഹാപാതകം

ഭൂതകാലത്തിലേക്ക് എത്തിനോക്കിയപ്പോൾ അറിയാതെ മനസ്സിൽ ഒരു വേദനയുണ്ടായി. ഞാനായി ഉണ്ടാക്കിയ മുറിവുകൾ വീണ്ടും കുത്തിനോവിക്കുന്നു. നഷ്ട്ടപെട്ടതെല്ലാം, നഷ്ട്ടപെട്ടവരെല്ലാം എന്നെ നോക്കി ചിരിക്കുന്നു. എൻ്റെ തെറ്റ് തന്നെ. ഞാൻ ചെയ്‌ത മഹാപാതകത്തിന്റെ ശിക്ഷ.

മാതാപിതാക്കളെ അനുസരിച്ച് ബഹുമാനിച്ച് ജീവിച്ചു. അനിയത്തിയെ പൊന്നുപോലെ സ്നേഹിച്ചു. സുഹൃത്തുക്കളെയും കുടുംബക്കാരെയും സ്നേഹിച്ചു. എല്ലാവർക്കും വേണ്ടത് കൊടുത്തു. എല്ലാവര്ക്കും വേണ്ടിയത് ചെയ്‌തു. എല്ലാവരുടെയും നല്ലപട്ടികയിൽ പങ്കാളിയായി. 

ഒടുവിൽ പരാജയങ്ങളുടെ ഊഴമായി. പരാജയങ്ങൾ കണ്ണിന് മൂടൽ നൽകി. ചുറ്റും വെളിച്ചം വിതറിനിന്നവർ പെട്ടെന്ന് അകന്ന് പോയി. ചിലരെ കരഞ്ഞുവിളിച്ചു. അവരുടെ കാതുകളിൽ മറ്റ് ധ്വനികൾ വന്നിടിഞ്ഞു. എൻ്റെ തെറ്റിന്റെ ഫലം ഞാൻ തിരിച്ചറിയുകയായിരുന്നു.

വിജയങ്ങൾക്ക് ക്രെഡിറ്റ് എടുക്കാൻ ആളുകൾ കൂട്ടംകൂട്ടമായി വന്നത് ഓർമ്മയുണ്ടെനിക്ക്. എന്നാൽ തളർന്നപ്പോൾ, വീണപ്പോൾ, പരാജയപ്പെട്ടപ്പോൾ, "എല്ലാം നീ മൂലം മാത്രം" എന്നവർ പറഞ്ഞ് കൈയൊഴിഞ്ഞു. വിജയങ്ങൾ എനിക്ക് മാത്രമായി ഇല്ലായിരുന്നു. അതിനാൽ തോൽവികൾ ഞാൻ ഏറ്റുവാങ്ങി. അത് ഞാൻ തന്നെ നേടിയെടുത്തതല്ലേ! അപ്പോൾ അതിന്റെ ക്രെഡിറ്റ് എനിക്ക്!

മനസ്സിൽ വീണ്ടും വിഷമങ്ങൾ കുന്ന് കൂടി വരുന്നു. ആരും വായിക്കാത്ത ഈ ബ്ലോഗിൽ ഞാൻ എന്നത്തേയും പോലെ അതെഴുതിച്ചേർക്കുന്നു. ഒറ്റക്കായിരുന്നു. പക്ഷെ ഇന്ന് ഞാൻ എന്നെത്തന്നെ ഒറ്റപെടുത്തുകയാണ്. ബന്ധങ്ങളെന്ന ബന്ധനങ്ങളെ ഭയക്കുന്നതിനാലാകാം. അല്ലെങ്കിൽ ഇനിയും തോൽക്കാൻ കെൽപ്പില്ലാത്തതാകാം. എന്തെന്നാലും ഇതും എൻ്റെ തീരുമാനം തന്നെ.

മഹാപാതകം എന്റെ തന്നെ. എല്ലാവരെയും സ്നേഹിച്ച വേളയിൽ ഞാൻ എന്നെത്തന്നെ സ്നേഹിച്ചിരുന്നെങ്കിൽ... എനിക്കായി ജീവിച്ചിരുന്നെങ്കിൽ...എനിക്കായി വാദിച്ചിരുന്നെങ്കിൽ, പോരാടിയിരുന്നെങ്കിൽ... ഇന്ന് ഒരു ചുട്ടുകറ്റയെങ്കിലും എനിക്കായി വെളിച്ചം വിതറിയേനേ...

സമയം കടന്നുപോയ്യി. ഉപയോഗിക്കേണ്ടവർ ഉപയോഗിച്ച്, ചവച്ചു തുപ്പിക്കളഞ്ഞു. ചണ്ടി മാത്രമായി. ഇനി ദ്രവിച്ച് തീരുന്നത് വരെ കാത്തിരിക്കാം. ഇല്ലെങ്കിൽ സ്വയം ദ്രവിക്കാൻ ശ്രമിക്കാം. ഇനിയും ബന്ധങ്ങളെ ആശ്രയിക്കാൻ വയ്യ, കഴിയില്ല....ഭയം കാർന്ന് തിന്നുകയാണ് എന്നെ. പോയാൽ മതിയെനിക്ക്...എല്ലാം വിട്ട്, എന്നെന്നേക്കുമായി...

എങ്കിലും ആഗ്രഹിക്കുന്നു....വാക്കുകളാൽ പറയാൻ കഴിയാത്തതിനാൽ....

എനിക്കൊന്ന് കരയാൻ ഒരു തോളെങ്കിലും ഉണ്ടായിരുന്നെങ്കിൽ....

ഇല്ലേ?

സാരമില്ല 

വായിക്കാത്ത അനേകം വാക്കുകളിൽ ഒന്നായി ഇതും അലിഞ്ഞുതീരട്ടെ...

22 June 2017

വിട

ഇന്ന് ജൂൺ 23. പണ്ടൊക്കെ എനിക്ക് ഏറേ പ്രിയപ്പെട്ട ഒരു ദിനം. ജൂൺ 11, ജൂലൈ 25, സെപ്റ്റംബർ 9, ഒക്ടോബർ 7, നവമ്പർ 5, മേയ് 18, എന്നി ദിനങ്ങൾപോലെ പ്രിയപ്പെട്ടത്. പക്ഷെ ഇന്നെനിക്ക് മറ്റേതൊരു ദിനം പോലെയാണ്. തെറ്റ് എന്റേത് തന്നെ. കാരണം ഒരിക്കലും ഏപ്രിൽ 21 എന്റെ പ്രിയദിനങ്ങളിൽ ഒന്നായിരുന്നില്ല.

മറ്റുള്ളവർക്ക് മനസും ഹൃദയവും കർമവായം ധർമ്മവും പകുത്തു നൽകി, എല്ലാവരെയും സന്തോഷിപ്പിക്കാനും മറ്റുമായി ഓടിനടന്ന കാലുകൾ ഇന്നും ഓടുകയാണ്. അതും ആർക്കോ വേണ്ടി. പക്ഷെ ഇപ്പോൾ അത് കടം തീർക്കലാണ്. സ്നേഹത്തിന്റെ വിത്തുകൾ മനസ് വിട്ട് പോയിരിക്കുന്നു.

എനിക്കായി ഞാനീ കാലുകൾ ചലിപ്പിച്ചിട്ടുണ്ടോ? എന്റെ കരങ്ങൾ, എന്റെ മനസ്.... എന്തിന്, എൻ്റെ ഹൃദയം പോലും എനിക്കായി മിടിച്ചില്ല. ഏതെങ്കിലും ഒരു ഹൃദയമെങ്കിലും എനിക്കായി ചലിക്കും എന്ന് കരുതി. വിശ്വസിച്ചു. പ്രണയത്തിൽ നിന്നും, സൗഹ്രദത്തിൽ നിന്നും, അമ്മയിൽനിന്നും അച്ഛനിൽനിന്നും....ആരെങ്കിലും?

മണ്ടൻ. മറ്റുള്ളവരുടെ അവയങ്ങൾ നിനക്കായി പ്രവർത്തിക്കും എന്ന് വിശ്വസിച്ച മരമണ്ടൻ.

ഒടുവിൽ ഒറ്റപ്പെട്ടപ്പോൾ മൂഢനായത് ആര്? ഞാൻ!

നല്ലത്. തിരിച്ചറിവ് എന്നും നല്ലത് തന്നെ.

ഞാൻ വിവേകശൂന്യനാണ്. വിഢിയാണ്. താന്തോന്നിയാണ്. മാനസികമായി മറ്റുള്ളവരെ വേദനിപ്പിക്കുന്നവനാണ്. ദ്രോഹിയാണ്. സ്നേഹമില്ലാത്തവനാണ്. അഹങ്കാരിയാണ്.

അത്തരത്തിലൊരാൾ ഏകനായില്ലെങ്കിലേ അത്ഭുതമുള്ളൂ.

ഞാൻ അകന്നപ്പോളും അവർ പറഞ്ഞു, "നീയാണ് അകലുന്നത്. മൂഢൻ!" ആരെയും വേദനിപ്പിക്കണം എന്നില്ലായിരുന്നു. പക്ഷെ കെട്ടിപിടിച്ചൊന്ന് കരയാൻ ആഗ്രഹിച്ചു. അപ്പോൾ ആരും ഉണ്ടായില്ല. ആഗ്രഹം അത്യാഗ്രഹമായി. മണ്ടത്തരങ്ങൾ ആവർത്തിച്ചു. പിന്നെയും ഒറ്റക്ക്.

നല്ലത്. ഏകാന്തത നല്ലത് തന്നെ.

എനിക്കറിയില്ല എങ്ങനെ പെരുമാറണം, എങ്ങനെ വസ്ത്രം ധരിക്കണം എന്ന്. മൂഡത്വം നിറഞ്ഞ മനസ് പേറിനടക്കുന്ന കഴുത. എഴുതാനറിയാം. അത്ര തന്നെ. അതല്ലാണ്ട് എനിക്ക് ഒന്നുമില്ല. ഞാൻ ആരുമല്ല.

നല്ലത്.

ഈ കഥയുടെ ക്ലൈമാക്സിലേക്ക് ഇനി യാത്ര. എല്ലാ കഥാപാത്രങ്ങളോടും വിട പറഞ്ഞ്, എന്നേനെക്കുമായി.

തുലഞ്ഞുപോകട്ടെ ഈ ജന്മം. മറ്റുള്ളവർക്കായി ജീവിച്ച ഈ നശിച്ച ജന്മം.

എങ്കിലും എവിടെയോ ഒരു ആഗ്രഹം. എന്നെങ്കിലും, ആരെങ്കിലും....ഒന്ന് പറഞ്ഞിരുന്നെങ്കിൽ....

നല്ലത്. അത് നടക്കാഞ്ഞത്.

വിട.